Today, I want to share some of my personal journey with you. Growing up, I always knew my dad was controlling, but it wasn't until recently that I discovered the more profound truth. As I unraveled the puzzle of my past, I realized there was more to it than meets the eye. My father's behavior wasn't just about control—it was narcissism. Controlling me was just one of many tactics he used. There was also belittling me in front of others and bullying me, making me feel worthless. This realization has been both challenging and eye-opening. It has shed light on the toxic dynamics that shaped my upbringing and impacted all my relationships.
As a child, I was always grounded in my room for one reason or another. When I was about seven, I was walking my friend home after playing hopscotch. We took a shortcut through our neighborhood, and my friend stepped into some mud that was just like tar, and her shoe came off when she took a step. Being my good friend, I went in to help her, but my shoes also came off. I bent down to pull them out, and along with my shoes were several inches of mud on the bottoms.
When I got home, I tried to explain to my dad what had happened, but he wouldn't believe me. He accused me we had purposefully been playing in the mud and asked me how stupid I could be if I thought he would believe my story. He got so mad he wouldn't listen to my explanation and sent me to my room until I told him the truth.
Looking back on all of the hours I was grounded to my room, even into my teen years, I now believe it was one of the methods he used to keep tabs on my whereabouts at all times.
Unraveling the puzzle of my past traumas and discovering the truth about my father's narcissistic behaviors has been a transformative journey. It has allowed me to understand the toxic behaviors I learned as a way to protect myself that impacted my relationships.
By breaking free from the cycle and embarking on a healing journey, I have found strength, resilience, and the ability to create healthier connections.
I hope that by sharing my story, others who have experienced similar situations can find solace, inspiration, and the courage to heal.
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